All you need to do is ASK

In my studies this week, I came across the well-known scripture found in James chapter 1 verse 5. This scripture really stood out to me in that it doesn't matter who we are or where we came from, we could be the president, king, or average Joe and still this scripture applies to us. If there is anything that we desire to know, all we need to do is ask in a polite and sincere manner.
This principle applies to more than just gospel or religious knowledge. If you want to know how someone got injured or how they acquired the cool scar on their arms, all you have to do is ask politely and most of the time they will tell you what you seek. It all depends on how we are asking for the desired information. When we inquire with respect for the other person we are showing them that we are curious and not judgmental or rude.
How we ask the simple questions in life can determine how we respond to the answers that we are given.

I am a Child of God

This week was a special one. It was filled with family, General Conference, and a celebration of the resurrection of Christ.  As I was studying this week I learned that we need to not be taking the simple things for granted. There is so much knowledge and peace that can from the simple things that we are taught. Scripture study, prayer, and remembering our Savior at all times are all primary answers, but they are the best way for us to gain our testimonies and for us to know who we really are. In General Conference, I learned that we need to be removing the distractions from our lives and focus on the things that we have been counseled to do. The primary answers of reading scripture and saying or prayers are the easiest way for us to know who we are and to truly appreciate what we have been given. It is my hope that as we continue on the path of life that we can all remember that we are all children of God and to not take the little things for granted.

Families are central to the Lord's Plan

In my studies this week, I was reminded of the importance of the family. In every book of scripture that I have read, the family is mentioned and expected. I feel that one of the downfalls of this world is the lack of support for traditional families. Family roles have been blended, and the world no longer sees men and women as different. There is a lot of pressure for women to go out and have crazy amazing careers and those who don't want that, are looked down upon and criticized. Men who are family oriented are looked at as being "whipped" or no longer in control of their own lives. 

As the number of solid and complete families diminishes, so does the integrity and good will of man. Children are no longer being taught how to play with others or to accept those who are different than them. They aren't being taught what it is like to have two loving and supportive parents who take care of and provide for them. There are a lot of problems that can be solved if we were to focus on building up and supporting families rather then scrutinizing them for challenging the current ways of the world. 

Being Made Weak So We Made Be Made Strong

In the 2nd book of Corinthians chapter 12 verse 9 it mentions that we will be given weakness so that we can be made strong. This is a topic that I feel many people struggle with including myself. When bad things happen and our faith is tested, we often ask "why me?" As a result of personal experience, I have found that we are given challenges and bad things, so that we may come out the other side a stronger and better person. So instead of cursing God and asking "why me" ask, "what am I supposed to learn from this?" or "who am I supposed to come?"

A crisis of faith is often a subject of movies and television shows to show the progression of characters. It is also know as the hero cycle. The hero, or main character, is living it up. They are a perfect life where everything is good. Until, everything comes crashing down and they are humbled or shunned and have to leave their home. Then comes the quest to return home and show who they really are. We are all the heroes of our own story. When life gets us down and our perfect world has crumbled before us, remember, Simba ate bugs, Hercules was bullied, and even Iron Man once relied on a car battery to keep his heart from being sliced by the shrapnel that his company created. We are all on our own journey to finding who we are and who we are meant to be. 

Keeping to ourselves while being kind

In the 1st of Thessalonians, we are taught that we shouldn't worry about what those around us are doing with their lives. What we should be doing, is leading good and faithful lives of our own while being kind to our fellow man. This does have a catch though. If we know of someone who is causing harm to another living being, such as abusing an animal or child, then we need to speak up, but if your neighbor plays video games on Sunday when you don't, leave it be. Don't chastise your neighbor for practicing their agency.
We live in a world that is filled with hate and offense so much so that I feel that we need to strive and put in an insane amount of effort to just be nice to people and to mind our own business. Despite the popular belief of the political and social worlds, it is possible to keep to ourselves while being nice to others. 
Although I am a practicing member of the LDS church, I do not believe that I am better than anyone else and I definitely don't think that hating those who do not believe or live the way we do is appropriate. I can love and be kind to those who do not share the same values and lifestyle as I do. 

What I have Learned Part 4

There tends to be a lot of pressure put on grades. In high school, we had to have the best grades ever in order to get into college and now that we are in college there is a lot of pressure to get good grades to impress potential employers and graduate school advisors. I admit it, I am one of those people who worries about getting good grades. Are we so stressed out about a grade that we miss the information that we could be learning? Since my major is Marriage and Family, how can we relate this concept to the family?
Simple, instead of being so focused on having well-behaved children and an immaculate house, focus on what you can learn by letting your kids be kids. What do you think you could learn by focusing on teaching principles and self-mastery rather than behavior? The Family: A Proclamation to the World teaches us that "Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities" (Para, 7).  I have learned that many different examples of bad behavior can be fixed by simply loving and respecting your child. The greatest way to teach is to lead by example. 
All I have ever wanted to be is a mother and I am more than excited to see what I learn from the amazing experience that being a mother is.  I have learned so much in the last year and I am looking forward to what the year brings and to marrying the man of my dreams. 

What I have Learned Part 3

There are many things that I have learned outside of the classroom. Living with roommates who start out as complete strangers is not an easy act. We all come different places and different backgrounds. Add in the ups and downs that are the emotional rollercoaster of being a girl, to being in an apartment with five other girls can be unbearable. I have learned a lot about patience and selflessness.
I have been trying to relate everything that I experience to the family. So, how can I relate student living to a family?  The experience of living with five other girls is very similar to family life. We have to communicate and have respect for each other. We have to set and live by boundaries. Since The Family: A Proclamation to the World was first read in 1995 we have read and lived by its guidelines. One of those guidelines is "Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ" (Para. 7).  When we live our lives by the teachings of Christ, we will be able to have harmony in our homes and yes, even in the six person apartment that we share with five other girls. Eventhough my roommate drive me absolutley crazy sometimes, I still strive to love them and to be patient. They have their struggles too, and I am positive that I am not the easiest person to live with. I honestly feel that living with roommates the last two years has definatly helped prepare me for marriage. I have learned a lot from the crazy girls that I have shared a home with for 14 weeks every semester. 

What I have Learned Part 2

Over the course of this semester, I have been working on memorizing The Family: A Proclamation to the World. Although I have not been successful in memorizing all of it, I have learned a lot from reading it over and over again. There are many phrases that have stuck out to me. One of them is "Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other..." (Para. 6). As I am set to get married in a few weeks, this means a lot. I am becoming a wife. What does this mean? Well, according to the proclamation, it means that I have the responsibility to love and care for the amazing man that I am about to marry. In the last post, I stated that love is a choice. So is marriage. I am choosing to marry my best friend, therefore I am choosing to accept the responsibility to love and care for him. The way to fulfill this responsibility it different for everyone and every couple because we are all different, and that is okay. I wasn't sure what "solemn" meant, so I looked it up. It means, based on the context in which it is used, "characterized by deep sincerity" This means that we are not supposed to just love them and care for them, but to do so with meaning and intent. Not because it is our responsibility, but because we have the desire to see our spouse happy and healthy. Gordon B. Hinkley once said that the key to a happy and eternal marriage is to desire the happiness of your spouse. (Teaching of the Presidents of the Chruch: Gordon B. Hinckley)

I am so very grateful for the knowledge that I have gained over the course of this year. When I look back and compare where I was, with where I am, I am amazed at how much I didn't know. 

What I have Learned Part 1

This year has been a major period of growth for me. This year I changed my major and it changed my life. I entered my first year of college as an English major with the goal of becoming a children's librarian. I left that same year with the desire to change. I had no idea what I was going to do, but I knew that I did not want to stay where I was. I had begun to consider a general degree in University Studies until someone suggested that I do more. My new path came to me as I was sitting at the close of the most amazing summer camp. A little girl came up to me, put her arms around me and changed everything. From that moment on, I knew that the only thing that I wanted in this world was to be a mom. To have a family of my own to love and raise.  So I did my research and discovered that the degree for me was Marriage and Family with an emphasis in Home and Family. The most common thing to with this degree is to go into marriage and family counsleing. I do not want to do this. I have created a graduation plan that will help me become a wife and then a mom. These last two semesters of focused, degree oriented classes have filled me with so much knowledge.
By far the most important thing that I have learned this year is that love is a choice. Many people believe that you simply fall in love and therefore fall out of love when the excitement is over. I thought this until I started classes. Love is a verb. This means that there needs to be some action taken and effort put in. Yes, the sparks should fly, but it is up to you whether or not a fire starts and continues to burn.

What do you Believe?

The world that we live in today is filled with so much hate and destruction, that it has become a war zone. Only the battles that we fight are not fought on the traditional front line. Instead, our front line is our everyday lives. Every single day that we live, we fight for the things that we believe in, that we live by, and what define us as human. What does it mean to be human? Some say that it means that we make mistakes and are not perfect, although this is true, it is not what I believe being human means. Earlier this week I went to my local drive-in theater to watch the new Wonder Woman movie. Although I slept through part of it, I did catch the end. The last 10-20 minutes taught me a very powerful lesson. I learned that being human means to love without fail and without reason. As the final battle is coming to its end, a quote is shared that goes along the lines of "it does not matter what they deserve, it's about what you believe. And I believe in love. Only love will truly save the world." The world is only going to get worse unless we replace hate with love. Once we start to love those who are rude to us or do us wrong, the world will start to become a better place.
I BELIVE IN LOVE
From my experience with the world today, most people don't understand that there is more to love than just the frilly, romantic kind. We can love everyone around us and not be in love with them. One of the first commandments that was given by Jesus Christ was to "love one another" I feel that this great commandment has been lost from the teachings of today.
I never expected to have a life lesson be given to me by a superhero movie, but I feel this is why this movie received such high ratings. It was something that had never been done before and taught a lesson that had once been lost.
I have tried several times to teach those that care about that they can be kind and loving to those that are rude to them. I hope that with this movie, this lesson will be spread and understood more fully.
This song plays during the closing credits of Wonder Woman. I feel that it perfectly sums up the lesson that I found in this movie. It is my hope that we can start to spread love instead of hate.

Why Marriage?

In the world that we live in today, the rates for marriage have decreased and the rates for cohabitation have increased. As I am preparing to get married, I have had many thoughts and questions as to why I am getting married. I am young, still in college, and work part time folding clothes. Most people would suggest that I finish school and get settled into a career before tying the knot. Why am going to tie myself to a man and let him take care of me? Well, I believe that marriage and not just cohabitation is essential to having a high level of satisfaction. It has been proven time after time, that those who marry are more likely to have a higher level of satisfaction versus those who cohabitate. The main reason why I have decided to marry is that I can't have the things that I want in life without a faithful and committed partner by my side. I can't be a stay at home mom without a dedicated husband who is willing to work hard for us. I can't be a loving and supportive wife without being married. I recently wrote a paper on the effects of cohabitation, and in my research, I discovered that those who cohabit before marriage are far more likely to divorce later on than those who marry before living together. This is ironic because the main reason why couples cohabit is to avoid divorce. I am very excited to get married and start my life with the man I love.

To my Mother

I have talked previously about mothers and the sacrifices that they make for each of their kids. With Mother's day fast approaching I would like to talk about my own mother. She is amazing. I admire her strength, determination, and willpower. After everything that has occurred in her life, she is still going strong. Not once has she wavered or even thought of giving up. She is my role model and the greatest example of what it takes to choose the happy life that I have ever seen.
I do not have the words to describe what she means to me. I also do not have the capability to express the gratification and appreciation that she deserves. She gave up her education and herself to take care of my brothers. sisters, and me. I will never be able to repay her for what she has given me.
I have spent many ours thinking about what to get this amazing woman for Mother's day. I came to the conclusion that there is nothing in the material world that will adequately express my gratitude for her. Even now that I am grown and living on my own, she continues to take care of me. She is always telling me not worry because "your momma will take care of it." I do not know what I would do if I was living in a world where she did not exist.

So, to my mother,
               Thank you for all that you do for me even though I am old enough to take care myself. Thank you for teaching me what it means to sacrifice for your children. Thank you for striving to make sure we were all happy and healthy. I know I did not make things easy for you and I am sure that there were moments where you wanted to throw in the towel, but you never did. You stood by me during my toughest trials and you suffered with me through them. Since the day that I was born, I have never been alone. You taught me how to love, learn, and grow. You taught me how to fight and how to choose to be happy. you taught me how to live the life that I was given and how to love it. So mom, as we continue to plan and prepare for my upcoming wedding, remember that I will always be your little girl, and I will always need my mom. I love you, mom!!

This Little Rose Plant

At the beginning of the year, my wonderful fiance bought me a miniature rose plant. We went to the greenhouse on our college campus and I picked it out. When he handed it to me he said " This plant is a symbol of our love, don't let it die" No pressure right? I don't have a green thumb! Over the last several months, it has been a challenge to take care of this plant. At first, it was easy. It bloomed and was really pretty, but then it went dormant and stopped growing. I had to think of new ways to bring this plant to life again. As the weather started to change from a harsh cold winter to a nice sunny spring and I was watering and caring for this little plant, things were looking up. My little plant had started to grow. Then, I moved. My little plant did not like moving. When I got into my new apartment this little plant was looking pretty sad. I thought that some time outside would do it some good. I was wrong. The day that I decided to set this plant outside, it hailed and then snowed, and then hailed some more. Needless to say, spending time outside did not do this plant some good or so I thought. My little plant turned yellow and some of the leaves have fallen off. I brought it inside and have it sitting under the window in my room. It has started to perk up and even has a little rose bud! I didn't kill it by putting it outside! Putting it outside in the harsh weather probably made it a little stronger.
When I really think about it, this little rose bush is very similar to my relationship. When you first start a relationship things are great and going smoothly, your learning everything that you can and love is blooming. Then you come to a stand still and things aren't as magical as they once were, your relationship has stopped growing. What do you do? Keep going of course! Take care of your relationship do everything that you can. There are going to be set backs. Someone says or does something that the other doesn't like or agree with or feelings get hurt. I have learned that even though there are going to be moments when you get hailed and snowed on, you keep trying. As you work through the harsh weather of life, you will learn how to make it through and to how to come out stronger. These are the moments that will allow you to bloom. I have come to love my little rose plant and I have come to love my fiance even more.

Blended Familes

As someone who has experience with blending families, I can tell you that it sucks. It is hard, inconvenient, and in my case, unwelcome. The transition from being two individual families to one big family is painful. However, just because my experience with blending a family was not pleasant, doesn't mean that all experiences will be unpleasant. There are moments when this union of families can be beautiful and bring peace and well deserved happiness to the two parties. It can help the children involved to learn how to build meaningful relationships and that family is not always who you are related to by blood. I learned this lesson while experiencing the heart breaking moments when my family decided to blend with another, That experience changed me forever. I will never forget the brothers that I gained and the parts of me that I lost. Successful blended families are unique and contain a certain kind of magic that can only be found within the bonds of two families that came together. Human beings are interesting and peculiar. Each of us act and live in individual lives that are so individual that it seems nearly impossible to blend two of them together. Blending families that have already set their lives and created a comfortable way to live is even more challenging then entwining two lives together. The fact that two families can come together to create new life is simply describable. We live in a world that needs to be more considerate to all of the many different types of family life and living.

Parenting

I have absolutely no idea what it is like to be a parent. You would think that after countless hours of babysitting would give me an idea, but the more I think about becoming a parent, the more I realize that I have no idea on how to be one. I've sat through many lectures and class sessions that have described the different parenting styles, the dos and do not's, and just about anything else that could be taught in a classroom. I do not believe that effective and proper parenting can be taught in a classroom. I believe that it is one of the aspects of life that have to be experienced in order to be understood. I am looking forward to this part of my life. I am terrified, anxious, and excited all at the same time. I am looking forward to feeling and understanding what it means to feel and show true love. The love that I feel for my fiance, although amazing and life changing, does not compare to that of the love a mother has for her child.
We will live in a world where women are looked down upon for not creating careers. All I want to do is stay home and build long lasting relationships and teach my children the important values of life. All I want is to be a mom.

Fathers

I did not have the privilege of growing up with a father in my home. I did have father figures and the knowledge of what a father should be like. There have been several studies that have shown those who grow up without a father in the home tend to be more likely to participate in drug, premarital sex, and crime.
I may not know what it is like to have a father who is active in my life, but I am lucky enough to have a fiance who wants nothing more than to be involved in the lives of our future children. This brings me great joy. My greatest desire in life is to be a mom with a good man by my side being a good dad. There is magic in a family that can not be found anywhere else in this world. I truly believe that this magic comes from the father who is active in his family duties and spending quality time with his children. My family lacked this special feeling and it is my theory that it is because our father was not involved. Not having our father caused our roles to significantly change. My mother took on the role of sole provider and each of us kids had responsibilities that children don't normally have.
I was lucky to have friends with good dads and with cousins who married fantastic guys who have become amazing dads that I have been able to spend time with. This one, in particular, has become so involved in my life that my fiance talked to him before popping the question.
All the talk lately has been about how important stay at home moms are but we have ignored the importance and results of having an involved father. This day and age is filled with all different kinds of distractions. My wonderful fiance told me once that he never wants to be too tired or busy to play with his future kids. He doesn't want to be the kind of dad that comes home from work and goes straight to the TV or video games. My life would be drastically different if my father had been the way my fiance wishes to be.
Involved parents can change the world by teaching their kids what it means to create memories and appreciate the lessons that are taught in the home. There is only so much that can be taught at school or church. The most important lessons that we can teach our kids are taught in the home.

Communitcation

I am not surprised to have had four out six of my classes discuss communication this week. From these discussions, I have come to the conclusion that we all struggle with communicating in one way or another. I personally have moments where what I think I have just said is not actually what I said. There are other moments where I do not understand what it is that I am feeling or trying to convey. The misunderstanding on my part makes it entirely difficult for others to understand me and what I am trying to say. Often times the reason why couples struggle with communictaion is because they don't feel secure in themselves or their relationship. There is some sense of fear that our spouse will not respod to what we are trying to say in a way that is understnding and kind. I have noticed that in the world we live in today we listen to reply and not to understand.
 What are some ways you strengthen your communication skills? What advice do you have for a recently engaged or married couple?

Stress and Crisis in the Home

As a young college student, I am not a stranger to the effects of stress. Many of my experiences with stress began long before I have even begun thinking about college life. The most stressful moments of my life occurred within the solid walls of my childhood home. As a child, I did not understand that these crucial events were not only stressful for me, but for my entire family. Each and every one of us struggled through the situation, and every single one of us learned something after the stress was relieved.
There are some stressful events in life that are far worse than others. Cancer, death, divorce, disappointment, natural disasters are all just a few of any number of things that can occur in a home. Every family will experience a difficult and stressful crisis of some sort. Some families will only have minor events other will have several major stressful events occur.  The key is to work through these stressful times together.
It doesn't matter what the situation is, a strong and healthy family with a solid foundation and support system can conquer any challenge and stressful event that occurs.
In my own personal life and family, I have experienced many stressful events. We, sadly, were not as strong as these events, and our family was severely damaged. The relationships that could have been strengthened during these times were torn apart as roles changed.
My dad was removed from the picture altogether and my mom took on the role as an absent provider. My sister stepped up and took on the role as a parent and the rest of us fell in line. We quickly learned where we each stood and how we were expected to behave.
As I reflect and look back at how my life has been shaped, I don't want anything to change. I am the person that I am today because of the outlook that I had during these hard times. The hard times will end, it will get better and hopefully, we will see them as learning experiences that can bring us together rather than tear us apart.
When disaster strikes, lean on each other for support. Look to friends and family that can help. Become closer, work together, and love deeper. Remember, the situation will not last forever and it all depends on how you look at it.

Let's Talk About Sex

In the LDS community sex is not something that is talked about. It is hushed and taboo to talk about. The one time that it is talked about is only to tell the youth not to participate until after they are lawfully married to Mr. Right. As I have grown up in this community I have discovered that this way to address the subject causes more problems than helping. When a person is told not to do something they instantly want to do what they were just told not to. A common problem with this method teaching is that as young women get married they don't know what to expect on their wedding night. Young men get curious and look to other sources for learning about sex. This can lead to a pornography issue and the wrong image of what sex is.
Sex is beautiful thing that can bring two people together emotionally and physically. It is a magical and divine way to bring innocent children into the world. I personally feel that if the LDS community were aware of the resources available to them, and were open and taught about sex in a way that not only expressed its divine origins but also the importance of waiting to participate until after you are lawfully married and emotionally committed to a another person.
I grew up not knowing what sex was. It wasn't until I came to college, met new people, and took a class about the family that I began to understand that sex is a beautiful and divine thing. Sex is not bad and it should not be kept so secret. We need to be teaching the young men and women the proper definition of what sex is and how divine and sacred it is.
Here is the link to the LDS resources available to help parents teach their children about sex and intimacy at different levels of development. https://www.lds.org/manual/a-parents-guide?lang=eng I have hope that this message was helpful and that these resources will help us understand that sex is not bad and that it is beautiful and divine.

Transitions

Life is full of moments that require you to transition from one point to another. The most recent one that I experienced was form a high school student living at home, to a college student living on my own. This was a huge transition for me . I suddenly had all these bills I had to pay, I had to learn how to set up appointments on my own and learn how to cook a healthy meal for under $5. Not to mention how to budget, pay taxes, fix my car, and so many other things that my generation calls "adulting." I have managed to make it through this transition as a fully functioning and responsible adult. I learned and I grew.
I am however not done. I am starting to transition into another phase of my life and I am terrified. I am preparing to get married. From what I have gathered, married life is far different from living as a single person. my friends and family have been a great help by giving me advice on how to live with and take care of another person. I no longer have myself to worry about. Although I am terrified, I know that I am capable of transitioning into married life. I have a wonderful circle of influence filled with people I love and who love me.
Transitioning can be scary but, in my experience, they bring more life, light, and knowledge to our lives.  I am excited to start this new phase of my life with my best friend.