Blended Familes

As someone who has experience with blending families, I can tell you that it sucks. It is hard, inconvenient, and in my case, unwelcome. The transition from being two individual families to one big family is painful. However, just because my experience with blending a family was not pleasant, doesn't mean that all experiences will be unpleasant. There are moments when this union of families can be beautiful and bring peace and well deserved happiness to the two parties. It can help the children involved to learn how to build meaningful relationships and that family is not always who you are related to by blood. I learned this lesson while experiencing the heart breaking moments when my family decided to blend with another, That experience changed me forever. I will never forget the brothers that I gained and the parts of me that I lost. Successful blended families are unique and contain a certain kind of magic that can only be found within the bonds of two families that came together. Human beings are interesting and peculiar. Each of us act and live in individual lives that are so individual that it seems nearly impossible to blend two of them together. Blending families that have already set their lives and created a comfortable way to live is even more challenging then entwining two lives together. The fact that two families can come together to create new life is simply describable. We live in a world that needs to be more considerate to all of the many different types of family life and living.

Parenting

I have absolutely no idea what it is like to be a parent. You would think that after countless hours of babysitting would give me an idea, but the more I think about becoming a parent, the more I realize that I have no idea on how to be one. I've sat through many lectures and class sessions that have described the different parenting styles, the dos and do not's, and just about anything else that could be taught in a classroom. I do not believe that effective and proper parenting can be taught in a classroom. I believe that it is one of the aspects of life that have to be experienced in order to be understood. I am looking forward to this part of my life. I am terrified, anxious, and excited all at the same time. I am looking forward to feeling and understanding what it means to feel and show true love. The love that I feel for my fiance, although amazing and life changing, does not compare to that of the love a mother has for her child.
We will live in a world where women are looked down upon for not creating careers. All I want to do is stay home and build long lasting relationships and teach my children the important values of life. All I want is to be a mom.

Fathers

I did not have the privilege of growing up with a father in my home. I did have father figures and the knowledge of what a father should be like. There have been several studies that have shown those who grow up without a father in the home tend to be more likely to participate in drug, premarital sex, and crime.
I may not know what it is like to have a father who is active in my life, but I am lucky enough to have a fiance who wants nothing more than to be involved in the lives of our future children. This brings me great joy. My greatest desire in life is to be a mom with a good man by my side being a good dad. There is magic in a family that can not be found anywhere else in this world. I truly believe that this magic comes from the father who is active in his family duties and spending quality time with his children. My family lacked this special feeling and it is my theory that it is because our father was not involved. Not having our father caused our roles to significantly change. My mother took on the role of sole provider and each of us kids had responsibilities that children don't normally have.
I was lucky to have friends with good dads and with cousins who married fantastic guys who have become amazing dads that I have been able to spend time with. This one, in particular, has become so involved in my life that my fiance talked to him before popping the question.
All the talk lately has been about how important stay at home moms are but we have ignored the importance and results of having an involved father. This day and age is filled with all different kinds of distractions. My wonderful fiance told me once that he never wants to be too tired or busy to play with his future kids. He doesn't want to be the kind of dad that comes home from work and goes straight to the TV or video games. My life would be drastically different if my father had been the way my fiance wishes to be.
Involved parents can change the world by teaching their kids what it means to create memories and appreciate the lessons that are taught in the home. There is only so much that can be taught at school or church. The most important lessons that we can teach our kids are taught in the home.

Communitcation

I am not surprised to have had four out six of my classes discuss communication this week. From these discussions, I have come to the conclusion that we all struggle with communicating in one way or another. I personally have moments where what I think I have just said is not actually what I said. There are other moments where I do not understand what it is that I am feeling or trying to convey. The misunderstanding on my part makes it entirely difficult for others to understand me and what I am trying to say. Often times the reason why couples struggle with communictaion is because they don't feel secure in themselves or their relationship. There is some sense of fear that our spouse will not respod to what we are trying to say in a way that is understnding and kind. I have noticed that in the world we live in today we listen to reply and not to understand.
 What are some ways you strengthen your communication skills? What advice do you have for a recently engaged or married couple?

Stress and Crisis in the Home

As a young college student, I am not a stranger to the effects of stress. Many of my experiences with stress began long before I have even begun thinking about college life. The most stressful moments of my life occurred within the solid walls of my childhood home. As a child, I did not understand that these crucial events were not only stressful for me, but for my entire family. Each and every one of us struggled through the situation, and every single one of us learned something after the stress was relieved.
There are some stressful events in life that are far worse than others. Cancer, death, divorce, disappointment, natural disasters are all just a few of any number of things that can occur in a home. Every family will experience a difficult and stressful crisis of some sort. Some families will only have minor events other will have several major stressful events occur.  The key is to work through these stressful times together.
It doesn't matter what the situation is, a strong and healthy family with a solid foundation and support system can conquer any challenge and stressful event that occurs.
In my own personal life and family, I have experienced many stressful events. We, sadly, were not as strong as these events, and our family was severely damaged. The relationships that could have been strengthened during these times were torn apart as roles changed.
My dad was removed from the picture altogether and my mom took on the role as an absent provider. My sister stepped up and took on the role as a parent and the rest of us fell in line. We quickly learned where we each stood and how we were expected to behave.
As I reflect and look back at how my life has been shaped, I don't want anything to change. I am the person that I am today because of the outlook that I had during these hard times. The hard times will end, it will get better and hopefully, we will see them as learning experiences that can bring us together rather than tear us apart.
When disaster strikes, lean on each other for support. Look to friends and family that can help. Become closer, work together, and love deeper. Remember, the situation will not last forever and it all depends on how you look at it.